There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
