I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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