I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
