My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
