Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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