i barfeds in our rink
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
