I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
