new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize