giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
this will be a night to untag.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
