apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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