hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
