i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
