I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
