Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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