God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
