so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
