worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
ugly people sure do ruin things
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
