I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
