Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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