you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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