SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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