ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
