I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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