I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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