My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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