is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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