I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
