so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
