Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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