i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize