i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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