I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Your cock deserves a montage
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
