Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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