Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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