whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
