ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
