Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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