Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I am one with the molecules
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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