$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Never underestimate the power of titties
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
