So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I hate all girls vehemently.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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