"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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