1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
