john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
