my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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