did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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