Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
