I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
