my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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