Sponge bath it is.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Randomize
