is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
