I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
