If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
