i think my mom watched the whole time
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
