I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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