Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
