If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
