Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
