You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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