Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
