i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
