Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
