I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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