I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
