I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
